[okay the thing is though he's not stupid, he was stunned for a hot second by this but he sees her reaction. and also, she wasn't mad at him like, a day ago. and also what has he even really lied about to her.]
knowing she can do this and realizing that she is this are sort of two different things, but also he is just a very weird man who thinks everyone's problems no matter how weird and supernatural they seem probably come down to mundane explanations, and it helps him a lot in situations like with saya. everyone just wants to be accepted for who they are in the end, it's not something unusual or specific to tentacle aliens.
anyway, he knows his reaction is important in a situation like this, so. he exhales, and schools his expression not to be surprised by anything.]
[sometimes, when your teammate says she has also met aliens, she is actually talking about herself.
at least, after last week when he woke up with her power and seemed accepting of it, saya doesn't seem to be as scared of his reaction as she was back then. but she still stares at him for a long moment, tense while she gauges his reaction, before she slumps her shoulders.]
Oh, talking from experience? [what a time to be cursed. she shakes her head.] ... I asked and it's what he wanted for. To go back to normal.
[the aliens he met before were very cute. but also, saya is very cute. maybe those aliens also had a scarier form they didn't show. he's...actually quite genuinely able to take these things in stride. saya is a bloodthirsty little gremlin, but she has feelings and she cares about people, even if mostly just certain ones. anybody who cares about others is a person who can be gotten through to, so there's not really anything all that terrifying about it. it's just a physical characteristic.]
That must have been hard - to have someone you cared about like that make that decision.
[noticing my typo in the previous tag too late... noooooo...
she shrugs, crossing her arms in a poor imitation of a hug. it's been a little over a month and, sure, she's met more people that she's come to care about since then. but the fact remains that they have to make it home at some point, and in her case—]
Yes. Always. [he'll be bluntly honest right now. maybe it'll actually do some good for once.] Mm, Saya, your situation is different in some ways, but in other ones, it's not. There's nothing unusual about being afraid of being judged for who you are inside. Or even the fear that if you were judged, it could be a fair judgment.
I think I've spent a lot of time stubbornly insisting people pretend to believe things about me I know they don't really believe because even being judged based on something we both know is a facade is less frightening than the prospect of someone seeing who I honestly am and disliking me.
But that only gets you by for so long. In the end, I think the only way to ever have a chance to be accepted is to face up to that risk of rejection. And likewise, the pain of rejection is not so terrible that it's worth avoiding it and ending up alone.
[god. the way she really appreciates this and can't even properly express it because she is cursed, but... maybe he can still tell, from the way her expression softens. if only for a moment.]
... Maybe. But it's not usually who I am inside, you know. I probably won't look like this anymore when we go home. [this is her humansona. original oc dns.] Have you... gotten rejected before? For being the real you?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
week four, monday.
... Why are you here? Did you already run out of people to lie to?
[she says this, but she winces as soon as the words come out of her mouth, eyes wide.]
1/2
2/2
...Hey, you okay?
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[she says this but her eyes are like, really, really wide right now.]
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Can you just stop talking? You're so annoying.
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Which curse even is this. Well, I'll ask around, let's get someone to get it off.
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[no??? thankfully, they are spared from her being rude for a couple of minutes because they get interrupted by memshare. wowie. comic books.]
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knowing she can do this and realizing that she is this are sort of two different things, but also he is just a very weird man who thinks everyone's problems no matter how weird and supernatural they seem probably come down to mundane explanations, and it helps him a lot in situations like with saya. everyone just wants to be accepted for who they are in the end, it's not something unusual or specific to tentacle aliens.
anyway, he knows his reaction is important in a situation like this, so. he exhales, and schools his expression not to be surprised by anything.]
...Break ups can be rough.
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at least, after last week when he woke up with her power and seemed accepting of it, saya doesn't seem to be as scared of his reaction as she was back then. but she still stares at him for a long moment, tense while she gauges his reaction, before she slumps her shoulders.]
Oh, talking from experience? [what a time to be cursed. she shakes her head.] ... I asked and it's what he wanted for. To go back to normal.
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That must have been hard - to have someone you cared about like that make that decision.
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she shrugs, crossing her arms in a poor imitation of a hug. it's been a little over a month and, sure, she's met more people that she's come to care about since then. but the fact remains that they have to make it home at some point, and in her case—]
He... was all I had.
[quietly. in the tiniest voice.]
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I know what that's like. But that can change.
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... Yeah? I bet you know what that's like. [who did this. she is so sorry.] What changed for you?
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[still stubbornly hugging her!]
Letting one person in tends to open the door to a lot of others, too, I think.
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she hums.]
Aren't you scared? If you let them in and they leave you anyway, then you'll be worse off than you started.
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Yes. Always. [he'll be bluntly honest right now. maybe it'll actually do some good for once.] Mm, Saya, your situation is different in some ways, but in other ones, it's not. There's nothing unusual about being afraid of being judged for who you are inside. Or even the fear that if you were judged, it could be a fair judgment.
I think I've spent a lot of time stubbornly insisting people pretend to believe things about me I know they don't really believe because even being judged based on something we both know is a facade is less frightening than the prospect of someone seeing who I honestly am and disliking me.
But that only gets you by for so long. In the end, I think the only way to ever have a chance to be accepted is to face up to that risk of rejection. And likewise, the pain of rejection is not so terrible that it's worth avoiding it and ending up alone.
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... Maybe. But it's not usually who I am inside, you know. I probably won't look like this anymore when we go home. [this is her humansona. original oc dns.] Have you... gotten rejected before? For being the real you?
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[because he hasn't ever really tried it.]
Sorry if that's a disappointing answer. Is that what you'll do, when this is over? Go home?